Taking One for the Team

I hear a lot of people say that suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do. You take the easy way out while your family and friends have to deal with the pain you've caused, funeral expenses, etc. I've thought about it, and I have to respectfully disagree. In this age of Global Warming, what better way to reduce your carbon footprint than to eliminate it altogether? What better way to "give back" to the environment than to, literally, give your body back to the earth to stimulate plant and animal growth? I believe taking your own life, then, would not be the most selfish thing someone could do, as a lot of people would have you believe, but rather, is truly the ultimate sacrifice, and is one of the best ways to ensure a better tomorrow for future generations. So to all you suicide victims out there, don't listen to the naysayers. They're just jealous because they don't have the testicular fortitude to do it themselves. After all, it's a lot easier to judge and point fingers when they're not the ones slicing their wrists open with razor blades. So a heartfelt thanks, suicide victims, from me to you, for taking one for the team.