9/11 Hijackers Grow Tired of Paradise

Paradise--

Five years after the 9/11 terrorist attack on the United States shocked the world, the 19 hijackers responsible are growing restless in paradise. Dissatisfied with their virgins and complaining of false advertising, the Islamic martyrs who earned eternity in paradise on 9/11 now say they made a mistake.

"They made it sound like non-stop pleasure," one of the disgruntled hijackers said. "I mean, 72 virgins! How could you go wrong? But they don't tell you about the nagging- or the emotional problems."

The consensus, according to the hijackers, is that none of them wants to have to "deal with the women" one more night, much less for eternity.

"Virgins are a two-edged sword," another hijacker said. "You know how it is. They all want their first time to be some special, romantic thing. And then they want to cuddle and talk about it. But, you know, I blew myself up in an airplane. What more do you want?"

Another hijacker said that he quickly grew tired of the virgins.

"After 30-40, it started to get to seem more like work than fun," he said. "And that's when they start in with the complaining. Then it's just no fun for anybody."

"I wish I was told about the technicalities," said one hijacker, thought to be responsible for United Airlines flight 93's tragic crash landing in a Pennsylvania field. "Let's say that #5 is a really good lay, and I'd be happy with her for awhile. Well, no, you have to go through all 72 before you can get back to #5. So obviously, it started to become somewhat of a chore."

Other hijackers, however, complained that 72 virgins was not enough.

"It only took me a couple of months to get through them all," one said. "So what am I supposed to do now? Yeah, I had 72 virgins, but now I all I got is 72 sluts. I didn't see that one coming."

"I don't know how they put up with it," one hijacker said of the others who were hoping for more virgins. "If they want some of mine, they can have them. I'm going to put in for Guardian Angel duty or something. What a sham."

The quality of the virgins, according to some, also leaves much to be desired.

"You find out soon enough," said one, " there's a reason that most of them are virgins."

Reports of the complaints were dismissed among Islamic militant leaders, and potential suicide bombers were told that the problems with virgins "were not widespread" and that "they were doing everything possible to rectify the situation."