What's the Square Root of 'Retarded'?

These are desperate times, and people are apparently increasingly desperate for something to celebrate. Today, for example, is "Square Root Day" for "math fans" across the world. It is "Square Root Day", they say, because the date is 03/03/09 and the square root of 9 is 3. The last "Square Root Day" was supposedly 02/02/04, and the next will be 04/04/16. Amazing.

I hate to be a buzz killington, (actually I don't), but these alleged "math fans" are not only pathetic, they are pathetically wrong. I don't know if anyone's told them, and I can't be the first to point out, that today is actually 03/03/2009, which would mean "Square Root Day" 03/03/09 actually took place exactly 2000 years ago, on March 3, 0009 C.E. And technically, much to the chagrin of "math fans" everywhere, the last real "Square Root Day" actually occurred on December 12, 144 C.E., and will never occur again as long as we use a Gregorian calendar.

Sorry "math fans", but your "Square Root Day" is a fraud. I thought "math fans" were more precise than this, but I guess when you're a "math fan" you take your excitement where you can get it. So have fun when you write the date today, and bask in the wonderment that you'll never have a fake "Square Root Day" again for seven years. Or don't think about it at all and you probably won't even notice.