Barackalypse Now

Be careful what you ask for, America. As of today, you have just over 74 days until Barack Obama is officially installed as the leader of the free world, thus precipitating Armageddon (finally). Time to "friend" Jesus (if you haven't already) and you better hope he accepts!

Of all the reasons to be afraid of Obama (he's black, he's Muslim, he's liberal, he's a terrorist, he's an alien, he's a zombie, he's Dracula), I think the best is that he is the Anti-Christ. It's about time someone finally stepped up to the plate on this one. There have been some good runs (Hitler, Stalin, Hussein, Bush), but so far no one has been able to trigger a full-on apocalypse. If Obama is as good as promised, we should be in for some good Rapturing come January.

Personally, I'm looking forward to it. A lot of people are all doom and gloom over this, but I say having a date certain for the end of the world is fantastic. Now I can stop caring about work, saving money and worrying about the "future" all the time. Wait, I pretty much already don't do any of those things. Well at least I can stop wondering whether I should start doing any of those things. And I guess I should get in with a church or two, just in case. I already have an "I love Jesus" trucker hat, so I should be good to go, but you can never be too sure.



Also, it's good knowing that our actions no longer have any real consequences. We can give up on the whole "going green" thing because really, I think the environment is going to be the least of the problems for those "left behind." Similarly, I no longer have to worry if it's "bad for me" to drink all day and eat pizza, which I plan on doing for the next 74.5 days.

So turn those frowns upside down, Americans. Party like you've got less than 3 months to live, 'cause it's true! Also, in case you were wondering, because an African-American has finally been elected President, black jokes are OK again and you can quote Blazing Saddles without being racist.