Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wyoming Congresswoman Possessed by the Devil

Washington, D.C.--

U.S. Rep. Barbara Cubin, R-Wyo., is the first known member of the U.S. government to fall victim to demonic possession. Cubin, seen in the attached photo reacting to a crucifix during an attempted exorcism, is Wyoming's lone representative in the U.S. Congress.

An animated politician known for irrational outbursts, Cubin had nonetheless not shown signs of demonic possession until just recently, sources close to her said. According to witness reports, upon learning of a National Park Service plan to close the East Entrance to Yellowstone National Park during the winter, Cubin's eyes turned red and she began to spew flaming vomit from her nose and mouth. She then sprouted green, scaly wings and three-inch claws on her fingers and toes.

Onlookers immediately contacted police, who, with the help of firefighters kept the mutated Cubin at bay with a steady stream of fire-hose water and repeated taser charges. Several Catholic priests then arrived at the scene and beat Cubin into submission with a combination of crucifixes, holy water and prayers. The demons, however, were not exorcised, according to Father H.J. McNutter III.

"Unfortunately, despite our efforts, she is still struggling to regain control of her soul," McNutter III said. "We are going to take the night to regroup and regain our strength, and tomorrow we'll be back at it again. Hopefully it will go better than it did today."

Three priests were injured in the attempted exorcism and one remains hospitalized, the Vatican confirmed. Cubin is reportedly being held in restraints in the basement of an undisclosed Catholic church in Washington D.C.

Asked to comment via telephone, Cubin only bellowed "We are Legion!" followed by a string of expletives.

A spokesman for Cubin would not confirm the possession but stated, "Congresswoman Cubin is battling a very serious personal health issue and is extremely appreciative of the support she has received from friends and family and people around the country."

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