My Black History

As you know, today is Leap Day. Hooray! It is also Black History Month. Hooray? Leap Day was created so that once every four years Black History Month wouldn't be so short and insulting to blacks. You're welcome, blacks. So in the spirit of giving and the special occasion that is today, I'd like to contribute to this year's extended Black History Month by sharing my own black history.

The first time I saw a black person in real life (not on TV) was when I was in first grade. There was actually a black person in my class. I think his name was Aaron. He seemed like a nice kid. We liked to touch his hair because it was fuzzy. Aaron, other than being black, wasn't too memorable. The next year, Aaron was gone. No one asked why. We were 7. At that age, you show up to class, and some people who were there last year are not there the next. You don't really even think about it. Also, at that time, I didn't really know Aaron was black, I just knew his hair was fuzzy.

I wouldn't encounter another black person until fourth grade. His name was Marcus. He wore prescription goggles a la Buck Williams, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Horace Grant. I'm not racist, I just can't think of any white NBA players that wore prescription goggles. Bill Laimbeer wore that ridiculous face mask for awhile, but that doesn't count. Wait, Kurt Rambis! Yeah, they were just like Kurt Rambis'. He was a nice kid too, but he was loud. I remember he was constantly being told to quiet down and sit still. Music class was the best because Marcus would shout rather than sing, which exasperated our already exasperated music teacher, which always meant good amusement for the rest of us. Like Aaron, the next year Marcus would be gone. Again, I didn't really know or think about the fact that Marcus was black. I just knew he was loud.

There would not be another black person in any of my classes until college. I was aware of some black people in my area between fourth grade and college, but I never really had any close encounters. I don't remember exactly when I became "aware" of black people as a race, but it was probably when I started watching Yo! MTV Raps. I learned a lot about black people from Yo! and also from listening to NWA and Eazy-E. I learned that "women" are actually "bitches" and "hos" and that it is a perfectly acceptable date to take your "bitch" to Burger King.

I also learned that black people were not big fans of the police. I didn't like the police very much either, but these guys REALLY didn't like the police. It was as if something had happened to them personally that made them hate the police so much that they wanted to shoot any police officer on sight. So I was way ahead of the curve when things like the Rodney King beating happened and O.J. was framed by Mark Fuhrman. I remember big discussions in our all-white classes about these events, and everyone else had all kinds of questions about what was going on. But not me. Dre had been rappin' about this for years. I knew what was up.

With this deep understanding of black people and culture, I went to a small private Jesuit university in the inland northwest. Surprisingly there weren't very many blacks there either. The experiences I did have with black people in my four years there were pleasant, but not memorable. Then I moved back to Montana, where there are seemingly even less black people.

Overall, my history with black people has been pretty positive. Or at least, not negative. None of them has ever tried to fight me, and I have had nice bordering on interesting conversations with black people while out at bars or concerts. Based on where I have lived, some people might accuse me of avoiding black people. But isn't it also just as possible that black people are avoiding me?

Generally, I like black people. Some of my favorite people in history are/were black. I have nothing against black people. I have nothing against black people so much, that I will probably vote for Obama. Then just try and call me a racist. "Oh, sorry, I voted for Obama. What? You didn't vote for McCain? Racist."